Earth’s mightiest heroes join together to defeat…some ugly CGI menace with his army of ugly CGI minions. Sound familiar?
Review © 2021 by Flytrap
Zack Snyder’s Justice League
Written by: Chris Terrio
Directed by: Zack Snyder
Starring: Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot, Ray Fisher, Ezra Miller, Jason Mamoa, Jeremy Irons, Amy Adams, Henry Cavill, Connie Nielsen
Complete cast and crew are all here
Running time: 244 minutes!
The villain, Steppenwolf
(no, not them who are much more entertaining)
the Infinity Stones Mother Boxes that will allow him to do something-about-destroying-creation or whatever, to please his ruler, Darkseid.
This movie would not make it in the theaters; word of mouth would kill it. Heck, watching it on HBOMax was enough of a slog that I was worn and and grateful for the credits to roll. Allow me to clarify some of the highlights of my disdain:
- This movie is FOUR FUCKING HOURS LONG! The Ten Commandments it ain’t. Watching this, looking for ways to tighten it up, I lost count in the first hour.
- For some damn reason, this was shown in 4:3 aspect. There is no excuse for this. (And I hear he wanted to release it in black and white; I’d have to go back in time and retrieve my old 19″ Zenith!) This is the 21st Century, Zack. Please try to keep up.
- Slo-Mo, lots and lots of Slo-Mo. I can forgive some of it as watching from The Flash’s point of view sometimes, but it gets old and is typically used to ehance action scenes that are otherwise rather mundane. No exception here. Probably could have saved thirty minutes, by speeding those up.
- The main baddy was just ludicrous in the first iteration; here he is is sillier by being more longwinded and pompous.
- Characters walking around morosely, usually accompanied by more New Age warbling than you would find in a Tony Scott wet dream.
- Gal Gadot is beautiful and looks the part, but she still cannot act . Yeah, I said it. And Jason Mamoa still only seems to have two modes, smirk and snarl. Everyone else was fine. One star for them.
OK, I could go on and on, but I refuse to give any more of my attention to this slog of cinematic mental mastubation. Watch it at your own risk, but if you saw the first one (which I thought was OK), you don’t need to spend four hours on this. (Remember that one night stand you had a few years ago? You’ll regret this more.) There are no scenes after the credits roll.
Here is some Steppenwolf you might actually enjoy
Flytrap rating: 2/10
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